A lot of thoughts came to my mind when my life was shattered. At that time I thought in my mind that there is no greater pain in this world. These last 17 months have brought about many changes in my life. These last 17 months have been the days when I wanted to commit suicide. I was convinced that there would be no happiness in the days to come. With these 17 months I have totally changed, the thought in my mind now is not like in previous years. Now I understand why such a tragedy happened in my life. That’s a lesson for me not to trust anyone too much. This world is going through a miserable state and no one has mutual respect or even love. In this situation, we need to ask ourselves how much we value the care we show to those around us or whether we need it. It is up to each individual to make their own decisions.
One of my moods, while going through this situation, was that I had to make some friends somehow. My mind thought that friends would bring happiness, but I realized it was wrong. So then I decided to become active on social media so I gained a few friends. But it did not help me much. I used to be alone with life problems but I was happy then. I started looking for friends when I had problems in life and realized that it was the biggest foolishness.
All I did after that was control myself. I began to try to find my own way without relying on others to make me happy. I started to live the way I wanted to. I stopped doing unnatural things and brought back my right habits. I stopped my tendency for others to make me happy and like me, and I tried to bring out my true nature. I think this is the setback in my life that has brought about such changes in my character. To be honest, someone has been with me for eight years. After that, I was afraid to live alone. Seventeen months passed and I realized that I could live alone, but it was not easy.
One thing I realized when I was heartbroken was that not all the decisions I made were consistent. When the wounds in my heart dry up I feel like I am becoming a new human being. But now I can say that I do not need the help of others to be happy. You can see me as a friend or you can love me as much as I do. No one in my life wants to love me, it’s my decision. I only need the love of my God.